What to say about our weekend? It was beautiful. The sun shone. We visited pumpkin patches and went on hay rides, played with friends and jumped around. Tatum was, as always, a joy. He’s an amazing little human being, filled with light and humor and opinions.
In the background, of course, was the awareness of where we were three years ago. In a hospital, losing our beloved and desperately wanted little boys, Adam, Joseph and Paul, to pre-term labor.
My stepsister remembered. A few people from the loss support group I attended after the boys were born remembered. I’m not sure if anyone else did—I’m not sure if my own husband did, until I mentioned it to him in bed.
I understand. It’s not a fun thing to think about, really. Who wants to dwell on sadness, on things that hurt? I get why people aren’t likely to say anything. “Hey, remember that really awful day in 2008 when your babies died, and you almost went with them?” No one wants to talk about that.
But they are missed. I think about them. And I’m grateful to them. They were my first glimpse of motherhood, albeit cut short—but motherhood none-the-less. A pregnancy when I’d never before experienced one. Those magical kicks and the first time we saw them all on the ultrasound monitor. Those moments were miraculous. Finding out that Adam was a boy. And Joseph. AND Paul! I remember laughing and crying at the same time, imaging a chaotic life filled with that many boys.
Had it not been for our first boys, we never would have moved back to Ohio to live near my mom and David, and my sister and her kids. The past few years have been special. My parents have gotten to know Bruce and to love him in ways they couldn’t from afar. They see Tatum several times a week, and the relationship T shares with them is close and beautiful and it makes me so, SO happy that they have that. Tate talks about them constantly, and sees lots of his cousins. We wouldn’t have this had it not been for Adam, Joseph and Paul.
So, happy birthday to my first boys. I miss you and love you always.
5 comments:
Thinking of you sweet Brenna and your beautiful sons, Adam, Joseph and Paul. I can't believe it's been 3 years. Wow...Time is such a strange thing. Your boys will always be remembered. I hope to see you see...I miss you! hugs! Tatum is absolutely adorable. What a big boy! BTW...I have thought about going to a meeting...how do you feel about going?
I remember your boys, and I remember the feelings of loss when you told us about them. I hope you are finding some peace in these several years since it all happened. You and all your boys (all 5 of them!) are so very special. Hugs, Mama.
Happy Birthday Adam, Joseph and Paul! So glad you were able to spent the weekend with your precious family while remembering your three little miracles. It amazes me how fast 3 threes fly by and how life around us doesn't stand still for one second on such a life changing event.
Many hugs,
Susi
Thinking of you and your beautiful sons today!
Your boys are always loved and missed. It's tough how the loss date is burned in our soul's memory. You are not alone and your boys are remembered.
So happy that you are in such a good place in life. :)
Post a Comment